19. Compromise

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I closed the door once we were both inside. Randall gave the room a look around before commenting on the bareness of my walls. My room was quite sterile. I told him I would work on it, maybe get some posters to add some color to the room.

We both sat on the floor, legs crossed, facing each other. “This will be a meditative exercise. You can do it as often as you would like, the more the better.”

I nodded in understanding.

“The first step in controlling your power is to control the animal inside you, and to control it, you must be comfortable with it, be friends with it. There must be a bond of trust. In this exercise, you will make contact with the wolf inside you, but do not release it. Just…pet it, in a sense. Talk to it, play with it, find its needs and desires, get to know it as a part of you, not some creature.”

“Uh, how?” Easier said than done. I didn’t even know how to start.

“Close your eyes.” I obeyed and shut my lids. “Now form in your mind a picture of yourself as a wolf, a majestic white creature--”

“You think I’m majestic?” I giggled. It was hard to take this seriously in broad daylight.

“Just do it,” I could hear amusement in his voice, though. “Use that image to call to the creature inside you. It’s…hard to explain. I guess I’m not as good at it as my dad. I can’t remember his exact words.” He sounded disappointed in himself.

“It’s fine. I’m sure if I practice at it, I’ll get the hang of it.” I kept my eyes shut and let my imagination run an image of me as a white wolf through my mind. In my mind, I howled and called out in my mind to the animal inside, but there was no response. I didn’t even know what kind of response I was looking for.

I opened my eyes after a few minutes of fruitless efforts and found Randall’s face nearly touching mine. When had he moved so close? He was so close that I could feel an energy, a heat coming off of him, tickling my skin. I was suddenly aware of how alone we were. He leaned in to kiss me, and as our lips touched, I felt the wolf inside me awaken.

I wasn’t the only one who felt it, I could tell by his reaction that Randall felt it awaken as well. The beast’s power ran through me like a hot liquid flowing through my body, warming me. I felt like I was radiating heat.

“Control it,” Randall drew his lips from mine and held my head so that my eyes only focused onto his.

“How?” I choked out. The animal wanted out, it wanted to escape. Now that it was awake, it was restless. It stretched against my insides, all fur and claws and teeth.

“Talk to it, find out what it wants, what it needs to become closer to you.”

“Will it talk back?”

Of course I talk back, A smooth feminine voice said in my mind.

I broke away from Randall’s hands, turning to try to get as few distractions as possible.

Why do you always push me down? The voice complained.

“Because this is neither the time nor the place for you to come out,” I could feel Randall behind me, trying not to reach out and touch me. The animal’s power was luring him to me.

You woke me up. You were poking me and prodding me. The voice not only sounded angry, but I could feel her anger. I knew Randall could feel it flowing out as well.

“We were trying to reach you, but not necessarily make you angry.”

What do you want, then?

“To be closer to you, to become more powerful through you. If we are closer, our powers will meld rather than clash, and we will have more control.” I winced as soon as I said the last word, realizing I should have chosen my vocabulary more carefully.

You mean you will have more control over me. She began to push against me again.

“This isn’t about who has control over who!” I said ironically, as I was trying to push her back down.

Then what is it? She growled in frustration.

“Compromise?” I sighed, “What is it that you are interested in?”

For now, the only thing interesting me is, She formed a picture of Randall in my mind, I’m interested in this little Alpha.

I turned to look at him.

“What?” He asked.

“He’ll like that,” I whispered.

He gave me a puzzled look as the wolf in my mind chuckled.

“I have to compromise,” I told him with a slight shrug. I stood and he rose behind me. I quickly turned and pushed him onto his back. He looked startled, but he didn’t struggle or object.

I climbed on top of him and looked down at him, my hair falling into his face. I brushed it back so it wouldn’t be in the way and kissed him hard, forcing my lips upon his, my tongue into his mouth. This show of force wasn’t exactly me. The wolf inside was still pulling at the reins, trying to get every last bit of control she could squeeze out of me.

Just give me a little bit of room here, I won’t do anything wrong, She protested.

You’d better not, I said inside my head as I gave up my fight and I felt her begin to take control. I may have given her too much freedom, but once I gave it to her, I was physically unable to take it back. I wasn’t too afraid of what she would do in the broad daylight, without the moon’s power.

After she took over, I blacked out. When I came to, I was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I still had all my clothes on, which was a good sign. I also had full control of my body again, which I was also thankful for. I looked out the window and it was dark. I sat up quickly and cursed out loud. I had missed the day’s classes.

I got up and went into the living room. When I stepped into the room, I could feel tension thick in the air. Randall and Lilith were both in the living room, sitting as far apart from each other as they could, pretending to watch TV, but they were really just watching each other, making sure the other did not try anything.

“Selene, you’re awake,” Randall stood and came over to me, grabbing my hand.

“Did you stay here all day? What about your classes?”

“It’s the first week, it’s not important.” He smiled, and then looked over at Lilith. “Let’s go for a walk,” He whispered to me.

I nodded and we left the dorm. He was being cautious of Lilith, as he should be.

We walked through the darkness silently. The heat pressed down on us and I wished for the air conditioning again.

“What happened after she took over?” I asked cautiously.

He smiled sheepishly, “I won’t deny that she tried a few things, but don’t worry, I was a good boy.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“But you should be more careful. Don’t give into Tala like that, she—“

“Tala? I interrupted, puzzled.

“That’s her name, you didn’t know it? She told me once you gave her control.”

“I didn’t ask, I didn’t know she had one.”

“The beast inside you is like another person, another creature. You have to make contact with her, but not let her take over. Nothing good will come of letting her run rampant,” He said seriously.

“She’s very…hard to keep down.”

“The harder your inner wolf is to control, the more powerful and strong-willed it is. You will have to work harder than most, but the reward will be greater. Today, instead of controlling her, you just let her have control, which is very dangerous. What if a normal human would have been there today instead of me? Someone could have gotten hurt.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. Without realizing it, I’d potentially put not only myself, but my entire dorm in danger. I thought of my roommates, I thought of the innocents like River and all the other girls I had yet to make friends with.

He grabbed my hand and I shifted my gaze from my feet to his handsome face. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I just want you to be cautious,” He smiled kindly, then kissed me. I could feel Tala getting restless again, especially since it was nighttime, but I pushed her down. She’d already had her turn.

I told Randall I was tired and we walked back to the dorm. He bade me goodnight and left me to go back upstairs alone. When I got inside, Lilith was studying on the couch, the TV muted. The look she gave me wasn’t the friendliest, and I could only guess it was because of my choice of company. I just looked back at her innocently and went to my room.

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